What do you do when you are stressed or upset? For me it really depends on the level of stress. Sometimes ill take a nap if studying for school is stressing me. Sometimes I'll run if the stresses of work are becoming to much. But if I am really upset, I will clean.
For the past few days my hormone levels have been at an all time high. I have read about it and I know why this is happening and I have accepted it, but nowhere does it tell me how to deal with it. I'm more sensitive, taking stuff more personally than it should be taken. And there are times when I feel like I am a bomb ready to explode at any minute without warning. Sure, I used to deal with PMS 1-2 days a month, but it was nothing like this. As I keep saying, I feel like it's PMS on steroids. There are times when I 've tried napping, reading, exercise, meditation ... and none of it works. Is there a special remedy that I don't know about?
Last night it all came to a head. I was frustrated with myself for not being able to control how the hormones were making me feel. I was frustrated for the times I have taken it out on friends and I was feeling fed up that the hormones wouldnt go away. So I found myself in tears. I just lay in bed crying. But after 10 minutes, I was over that too.
I needed a distraction. So at midnight I got back out of bed and headed to the kitchen. I started cleaning. I emptied the dishwasher one item at a time and reloaded it. This gave me time to work out whatever was going on in my head. It also calmed and exhausted me. By 12:30am I was headed back to bed with dry eyes. And thankfully it didnt take me too long to fall asleep.
I am not someone who is used to being so emotionally charged all the time, and so it has been quite an adjustment ... one I havnt fully made yet. I just want to feel like I did before. Most of the time I can put on a good front ... but that's exhausting too. Please tell that I will stop feeling like a crazy biatch soon? I would like this to happen before I drive away all my friends please, and preferably before I go completely insane!
Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
The cRaZy lady within.
On the days when the nausea isn't distracting me, the mood swings come at me with full ... ummm ... swing. Today was one of the glorious days.
When I'm having an emotion day, it feels like PMS on steroids. When I would be pms-ing and would suddenly want to cry for no reason I could control that because I knew it was the hormones speaking and after a few minutes I'd be fine. With pregnancy mood swings, I have little to no control over anything. Even I get surprised by what I say and do sometimes. It's scary and I feel like I should come with a warning lable for all who approach me.
As an example, here are the range of emotions I felt today: Happiness. Excited. Sadness. Anger. Annoyance. Lonliness. Needy. Indifferent.
Through out the day, I cycled through all of these more than once. And it's not necessarily the switching back and forth that's exhausting, it's trying to hide it from all the non-pregnant people in the world ... and there are a lot. Oh I just realized that I forgot to add 'paranoia' to my list ... meaning that I get paranoid that people are picking up on my mood changes and think I'm a bitch. I try to compensate for that, but I think I try too hard and come across as a bitch sometimes anyway.
I feel like if there was a room I could just spend days like this in where I could jump for joy, cry my heard out or curse like a sailor all day long, we'd all be a lot better off. Like a sound proof room where nobody has to witness my madness.
After days like today, I come home exhausted. Josh is alwasys ready and waiting with the big hug I need and with a listening ear on the off chance I want to talk about it. But to be completely honest, I am embarrassed that I want to just cry and dont have a reason for it. It's weird to fight tears when I know they are coming from an irrational place like a bad dream or anything else.
From what I've heard, I will continue to feel like a crazy lady from time to time. But I am hoping that it feels so out of control because the hormones are still new to me and that they will somewhat mellow out as time goes on. But for now, where is that sound proof room.
When I'm having an emotion day, it feels like PMS on steroids. When I would be pms-ing and would suddenly want to cry for no reason I could control that because I knew it was the hormones speaking and after a few minutes I'd be fine. With pregnancy mood swings, I have little to no control over anything. Even I get surprised by what I say and do sometimes. It's scary and I feel like I should come with a warning lable for all who approach me.
As an example, here are the range of emotions I felt today: Happiness. Excited. Sadness. Anger. Annoyance. Lonliness. Needy. Indifferent.
Through out the day, I cycled through all of these more than once. And it's not necessarily the switching back and forth that's exhausting, it's trying to hide it from all the non-pregnant people in the world ... and there are a lot. Oh I just realized that I forgot to add 'paranoia' to my list ... meaning that I get paranoid that people are picking up on my mood changes and think I'm a bitch. I try to compensate for that, but I think I try too hard and come across as a bitch sometimes anyway.
I feel like if there was a room I could just spend days like this in where I could jump for joy, cry my heard out or curse like a sailor all day long, we'd all be a lot better off. Like a sound proof room where nobody has to witness my madness.
After days like today, I come home exhausted. Josh is alwasys ready and waiting with the big hug I need and with a listening ear on the off chance I want to talk about it. But to be completely honest, I am embarrassed that I want to just cry and dont have a reason for it. It's weird to fight tears when I know they are coming from an irrational place like a bad dream or anything else.
From what I've heard, I will continue to feel like a crazy lady from time to time. But I am hoping that it feels so out of control because the hormones are still new to me and that they will somewhat mellow out as time goes on. But for now, where is that sound proof room.
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