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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

My extra special boy.

Alas, it has been 48 hours and James has not yet left the building ... uh, body. Sadly, I guess the sweep didn't work, but it was worth a try. The only thing it did do was make the last 48 hours more interesting. I've had blood, mucus (hmm maybe I should have warned about graphic details again), cramping, contracting, pain and emotional highs and lows. The contractions have changed, however. So I am dealing with a new set of sensations and wondering if they are normal ... of course they are. All of it just means that James was not yet ready to greet the world, though I cannot imagine why with this beautiful weather we've been having.

For anyone who knows me, they know that I don't take too well to the 'unknown'. I hate not knowing what to expect, I hate not knowing what comes next and I hate not knowing when something is going to happen. I have always been like this, and I am sure that I will continue to be this way - at least to some extent - for the rest of my life.
But I made a conscious decision today (After being up since 4:30am, taking one walk and two naps) that I am going to let it go. I am causing myself unnecessary stress and anxiety when I should be relaxing. So I am currently sitting in my rocking chair not wondering why he is late and not stressing about every little pain wondering if its a stronger contraction or if they are more frequent ... I am just rocking next to the open balcony door, enjoying the fresh air and sunshine. Because guess what, I will know when I am having stronger contractions and my body will tell me when a pattern is starting to emerge. It's not like I can miss the window of opportunity of him being born ... when he decides to come, he is coming whether or not I am ready!

Another thing that was greatly stressing me out was Josh's paternity leave time. Unfortunately it's something that he had to put in for ahead of time to make sure that he was covered ... after all, he is the big boss man and not just anyone can cover his time off. So he started his two weeks of paid time off on Monday since that was the due date. So every day that James hasn't arrived is another day on the other side of Josh's two weeks that I will spend alone with our newborn. I'm not going to lie, the idea scared me. While we are both going to be brand new parents, Josh has more experience with babies than I do.
The reason the two week thing scared me, I think, is because everywhere you read that the first two weeks are the toughest as there is a huge adjustment in the family dynamics as well as routines etc. Not only that, but I will still be recovering from labor and delivery, will be sore from learning how to breast feed and may be over whelmed at the huge demands in my sleep deprived state. Not to mention that I'll be dealing with the mother of all periods after not having one in ten months and re-adjusting to my settling hormone levels. Yeah, lets just say that a new momma needs her support.
But regardless of whether or not Josh can be here for a two week period after the birth of James, I know that I will still have his support for the times of the day that he is here and the times that I call freaking out over something or other hahaha.

If nothing else comes of these two weeks with Josh being home, I think that we got some much needed quality time together which may prove to be more beneficial to our changing relationship and family in the long run. Now that I have chosen to join Josh in vacation mode, I think that we will be better prepared for our bundle of joy. No baby can be soothed by stressed out parents. And not to mention that it has been amazing having Josh here during the most difficult time of my pregnancy because, let me tell you, the last month is a roller coaster ride!

So to those of you who have told me to enjoy my last days of naps and relaxation and to have patience ... I am finally listening. All the extra time in the uterus just means that James is going to be extra special ... after all, Rome wasn't built in a day :)

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