If it's not within reach ... I don't need it.

I am starting to feel the pregnancy exhaustion for real now. Yeah, I got tired before ... but oh my goodness, now I just feel like the most unfit person in the world. I shall give you a few examples ... and feel free to giggle cause I cant help but laugh at myself on most days.

Just a few minutes ago, I realised that I was getting uncomfortable and could really use a cushion behind my back (I am sitting on the couch). However, the cushion is waaaay over there - on the other side of the couch - and so I decided to see if I would just suddenly become comfortable by sitting here long enough. The thought of having to use my stomach muscles to sit up, swing my legs around and reach is just too much work. Keeping in mind that I said the thought alone was too much work.

There are days when I am coaching and am just exhausted for no other reason than I am carrying an extra 24 pounds on my midriff, and so when the girls are warming up I'll pop a squat on the floor. On more than one occasion, I have accepted help from my 10 year olds to pull me up off the floor (I really need to not sit on the floor anymore!) which is a little embarrassing, but I am also very proud that they would offer  :)
There are other days when I try to think of what we can work on in that particular area of the gym so that I don't have to get up ... yeah, it can be a little pathetic.

Running errands has become my least favorite chore. Simply because it can involve so much walking and standing. There was one afternoon where my last stop was Walgreen's and I got to the point where I was literally shuffling around with squinty eyes. I am pretty sure I could have stood still, closed my eyes and gone to sleep right there in the middle of Walgreen's.
Those days are the toughest, because the exhaustion can become so overwhelming. Those are the days where I usually take 1-2 hour naps. I used to limit my naps to before 5pm, but now I could nap from 8pm-9pm and go to bed without any trouble at 10pm. I guess this is a good thing because I really need to be taking advantage of naps and bed time etc ... which I am :)

The last example I have of my growing laziness is when I need to turn over in bed at night. As you may well imagine the position of laying on my back is very uncomfortable (and not allowed in pregnancy). So I spend a lot of time on my right and left sides. Even though turning over requires just seconds on my back, it takes such an effort and puts a ton of pressure on my bladder that I really have to think about whether or not the turning will be worth it.
Dr. Samawi gave me a new technique to ease that pressure and that would be to turn onto my hands and knees and then to the other side ... and boy does that sound even more exhausting at 3am!
So there are nights when I gladly take a dead arm or leg over the inconvenience of turning over. Lazy right? But I'm pregnant, so I'm allowed to be lazy.

Though the only time I am not lazy at night or during the day is when it comes to going to the bathroom. If I get the urge to go, I go! I have not had an accident yet and don't plan to!!! Apparently it's very common for women to pee their pants while pregnant ... I understand why, because when James makes a sudden movement I sometimes get that feeling of when you are just about to pee. Even Dr. Samawi warned me about that at my last appointment so that I don't confuse my amniotic fluid leaking with my urine ... um eeuw! And even though Josh has so kindly offered to go out and buy me some (on multiple occasions), I will not being wearing Depends any time in the near future ... or ever!  :)

The cRaZy lady within.

On the days when the nausea isn't distracting me, the mood swings come at me with full ... ummm ... swing. Today was one of the glorious days.

When I'm having an emotion day, it feels like PMS on steroids. When I would be pms-ing and would suddenly want to cry for no reason I could control that because I knew it was the hormones speaking and after a few minutes I'd be fine. With pregnancy mood swings, I have little to no control over anything. Even I get surprised by what I say and do sometimes. It's scary and I feel like I should come with a warning lable for all who approach me.

As an example, here are the range of emotions I felt today: Happiness. Excited. Sadness. Anger. Annoyance. Lonliness. Needy. Indifferent.
Through out the day, I cycled through all of these more than once. And it's not necessarily the switching back and forth that's exhausting, it's trying to hide it from all the non-pregnant people in the world ... and there are a lot. Oh I just realized that I forgot to add 'paranoia' to my list ... meaning that I get paranoid that people are picking up on my mood changes and think I'm a bitch. I try to compensate for that, but I think I try too hard and come across as a bitch sometimes anyway.

I feel like if there was a room I could just spend days like this in where I could jump for joy, cry my heard out or curse like a sailor all day long, we'd all be a lot better off. Like a sound proof room where nobody has to witness my madness.

After days like today, I come home exhausted. Josh is alwasys ready and waiting with the big hug I need and with a listening ear on the off chance I want to talk about it. But to be completely honest, I am embarrassed that I want to just cry and dont have a reason for it. It's weird to fight tears when I know they are coming from an irrational place like a bad dream or anything else.

From what I've heard, I will continue to feel like a crazy lady from time to time. But I am hoping that it feels so out of control because the hormones are still new to me and that they will somewhat mellow out as time goes on. But for now, where is that sound proof room.