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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

And so she cleans.

What do you do when you are stressed or upset? For me it really depends on the level of stress. Sometimes ill take a nap if studying for school is stressing me. Sometimes I'll run if the stresses of work are becoming to much. But if I am really upset, I will clean.

For the past few days my hormone levels have been at an all time high. I have read about it and I know why this is happening and I have accepted it, but nowhere does it tell me how to deal with it. I'm more sensitive, taking stuff more personally than it should be taken. And there are times when I feel like I am a bomb ready to explode at any minute without warning. Sure, I used to deal with PMS 1-2 days a month, but it was nothing like this. As I keep saying, I feel like it's PMS on steroids. There are times when I 've tried napping, reading, exercise, meditation ... and none of it works. Is there a special remedy that I don't know about?

Last night it all came to a head. I was frustrated with myself for not being able to control how the hormones were making me feel. I was frustrated for the times I have taken it out on friends and I was feeling fed up that the hormones wouldnt go away. So I found myself in tears. I just lay in bed crying. But after 10 minutes, I was over that too.

I needed a distraction. So at midnight I got back out of bed and headed to the kitchen. I started cleaning. I emptied the dishwasher one item at a time and reloaded it. This gave me time to work out whatever was going on in my head. It also calmed and exhausted me. By 12:30am I was headed back to bed with dry eyes. And thankfully it didnt take me too long to fall asleep.

I am not someone who is used to being so emotionally charged all the time, and so it has been quite an adjustment ... one I havnt fully made yet. I just want to feel like I did before. Most of the time I can put on a good front ... but that's exhausting too. Please tell that I will stop feeling like a crazy biatch soon? I would like this to happen before I drive away all my friends please, and preferably before I go completely insane!

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